Chapter 1: My Path to Understanding Boundaries

My journey in establishing healthy boundaries began within the framework of a 12-step recovery program. This initiative was aimed at individuals who had experienced relational trauma, allowing us to essentially reparent ourselves through the recovery process. I engaged deeply in this work alongside a close-knit group of four women, whose support was crucial in helping me navigate the complexities of boundary-setting.

These women guided me in identifying what boundaries felt appropriate for me, often metaphorically (and sometimes literally) holding my hand along the way. They assisted me in articulating my needs, determining the right moments to assert my boundaries, and processing the challenging emotions that arose during this journey. A recurring piece of advice from them was, “Keep your hands and fingers away from the keyboard!”

In the initial stages, as I was learning to implement boundaries, I made it a point to “bookend” these discussions with my group. This meant reaching out to them both before and after I set a boundary, allowing for reassurance that I wasn’t a bad person and that I had every right to live my life as I saw fit. Their presence was truly a lifesaver.

Once I became more adept at establishing boundaries, I began exploring literature on the subject. While this reading enhanced my skills, it primarily helped me retrospectively comprehend the journey I had undergone in developing healthy boundaries. It clarified the steps I had taken and the challenges I had faced.

As I delved into various books and articles, I realized that the concepts presented were often merely theoretical. Being someone who learns visually, I felt compelled to represent the ideas I was absorbing through drawings. I created numerous illustrations of circles, fences, and gates, incorporating arrows and hearts, which helped me understand these concepts on a deeper level. This led me to develop a workbook filled with exercises designed to assist others in applying these concepts to their own lives, ultimately constructing a personalized boundary framework.

Acquiring the skill to set healthy boundaries was one of the most invaluable lessons I gained through my recovery experience. I frequently express that boundaries are a remarkable gift of recovery and have become one of my most essential tools. This realization is what motivated me to become a boundaries coach; they have been transformative in my life, serving as a counterbalance to codependence, which is a primary struggle for me.

After coaching for some time, I decided to specialize in helping individuals establish healthy boundaries. This shift was driven by the fact that every client I encountered required assistance with boundaries — a common issue for many of us! Moreover, my personal experiences allowed me to adeptly support others in navigating this process, as I truly understand the physical and emotional sensations tied to having or lacking boundaries. Additionally, I was searching for a niche, and this focus felt like the perfect fit.

Boundaries influence every aspect of our lives, which means I can assist clients in various areas when guiding them in boundary formation. Undoubtedly, the most significant impact of healthy boundaries is observed in our relationships. Many individuals don’t realize that the most substantial improvement they will notice is in their relationship with themselves!

Thus, this is my story — how I came to be a boundaries coach. I aspire for you to experience the tranquility, freedom, and healthy connections that I have gained through my own boundaries. You deserve this, and so does everyone else.

Barb Nangle is a speaker, writer, podcaster, and coach. She is the Founder and CEO of Higher Power Coaching and Consulting and hosts the podcast, “Fragmented to Whole: Life Lessons from 12-Step Recovery,” which has been airing weekly since March 2019.

Section 1.1: The Importance of Boundaries

Boundaries are essential for maintaining mental health and fostering healthy relationships. They define what is acceptable and what is not, allowing individuals to prioritize their own needs.

Here, we explore how effective boundary-setting can lead to improved self-esteem and healthier interactions with others.

Subsection 1.1.1: Visualizing Boundaries

Chapter 2: Videos on Boundary Setting

To further aid your understanding of boundaries, here are two insightful videos.

The first video, titled "Relationship Coach Reveals How To Set Boundaries," delves into the techniques and strategies for establishing effective boundaries in various relationships.

The second video, "How to Set Boundaries As a Coach," offers valuable insights specifically tailored for coaches and individuals in mentorship roles.