Chapter 1: The Beginning of Self-Discovery

Years ago, upon reaching my 40th birthday, I undertook the task of writing 40 personal letters. These letters were expressions of love, acceptance, and forgiveness, as well as a means to release the burdens that were weighing me down. However, the recent loss of my two-decade-long career stirred a profound journey of introspection within me. This job had been a significant part of my identity for many years, prompting me to consider what advice my future self would impart to me now. Yet, before I could reflect on that, my present self had some crucial messages for my past selves.

Dear Me,

At age 8,

Your passion for writing will sustain you throughout your life. While you may forget the name of that third-grade teacher, you will always remember how she encouraged your creativity by allowing you to perform your imaginative plays instead of scolding you for writing during lessons. You will face many transitions, moving to 9 different schools before high school ends. It will be challenging, but it will teach you adaptability. Remember, I love you.

At age 14,

The eyelid surgery will not erase your shyness; it’s not a cure-all. People will shift their focus to other insecurities instead. It’s going to be okay. Though their words may linger, you will eventually realize that you have the power to redefine them. You’ll channel that energy into poetry and self-discovery, but it may take over 20 years for you to realize this potential. I love you.

At age 16,

Avoid that party! (You know the one.) And for heaven's sake, stay away from alcohol. You think it will alleviate your awkwardness and anxiety, but it’s only a temporary escape. This path could lead to a 25-year struggle with addiction. You will find sobriety at 41, and trust me, sobriety will be worthwhile. Drinking will not. Just don’t do it. I love you.

At age 17,

Independence doesn't mean you need to move out. Your parents aren’t as difficult as you perceive. When you hit rock bottom twice in the next six years, they will welcome you back with open arms. Be kinder; forgive them as easily as you forgive strangers. They did their best, and one day, you’ll understand this when you become a parent yourself. Also, don’t drop out of high school; it’s only a few more months! I love you.

At age 19,

He is not the one. Though nobody will tell you, everyone will say they saw it coming. I love you.

At age 21,

Another breakup? How many times has this happened? Trust me, after that chaotic 21st birthday, do not go back to him. And about that party with Jolene… if you end up having it, be grateful for her support afterward. I love you.

At age 23,

This cashier job may seem insignificant, but it will transform your life. You’ll stick with it for almost 21 years. You will build confidence, get promoted, and eventually lead multi-million dollar enterprises—all as an introvert and high school dropout. You’ll joke that it’s your longest relationship. Eventually, you will part ways, feeling as if it’s a divorce, but you will reflect back on it with gratitude. Embrace every challenge, but remember, your self-worth isn’t tied to your job. Relationships are enduring; jobs are not. I love you.

At age 25,

This is the right one for you. You’ll sense it by date two, and within a year, you’ll be married and welcoming your first child. Don’t panic. While you may not yet love or respect yourself, he will help you learn to do both. He’ll teach you boundaries and how to advocate for yourself and others. Your marriage will be challenging, but you’ll be okay. P.S. He appreciates that you abstained from drinking during all three pregnancies. (Yes, three!) I love you.

At age 26,

You thought you understood love, but with your first child, you’ll realize its true depth. I won’t spoil the experience for you; savor every moment. Now is the perfect time to stop drinking since you’ve already gone 40 weeks without it. While on maternity leave, you’ll start writing a novel, and though you won’t finish it, you’ll feel capable of doing so. I love you.

At age 28,

Congratulations on your second baby boy! Are you ready to quit drinking? You’ll struggle with postpartum challenges and feel unworthy, but you are not. Look in the mirror! You’re successful, happily married, with two beautiful children and a safe home. Keep writing and reconnecting with yourself. I love you.

At age 29,

You’ll manage to have two babies within 11 months. Your third child, a girl, arrives unexpectedly via emergency C-section. The postpartum challenges will linger for another 4 to 6 months, but you’ll be okay. With the right support, you’ll start to feel better. Please don’t return to drinking; your relationship with alcohol is unhealthy. I love you.

At age 40,

You’ve been sailing smoothly. You have a successful career, a loving family, and financial stability. As you explore coaching certifications and spirituality, your life will undergo a major transformation. Embrace it. Don’t resist change, even though you will; growth is uncomfortable. Dive deep into philosophy and psychology, and you’ll discover a vision for your life. Write it down, tuck it away, but remember it. When opportunities arise, don’t shy away from them. You’ve asked for this change! I love you.

Today, at 43 years old,

Your life has dramatically shifted in the past two months. You quit drinking for good two years ago—kudos! You’ve also discovered that “dream life” paper while cleaning. Although losing your significant job was unexpected, you’ve started writing publicly online, which was on your list. It may be chaotic, but you’re doing it! Your personal life reflects what you envisioned, all stemming from the essential realization that you need to love yourself more and release the emotional ties to your past. Through compassion, wisdom, and self-love, you’ve unearthed a powerful tool… self-love. You’re at your best when you embrace self-love, allowing you to love others genuinely.

Life is unpredictable yet cyclical, and you’ve learned to appreciate it. Each struggle leads to a higher point than the last. Remember this during tough times. You’ve come so far; keep pushing forward! I love you.

A guide to self-love through writing love letters to yourself.

Chapter 2: When Love Truly Exists

In this section, we explore the signs that indicate true love, as discussed by experts. Gain insights into the nuances of love and relationships.

Relationship experts discuss the signs that demonstrate genuine love from a partner.