Chapter 1: The Complexity of Grief

Sometimes, I find myself confounded by my own thoughts.

23. 3. Fields famously remarked, “If you can’t dazzle them with brilliance, baffle them with bullsh*t.” While this perfectly encapsulates how we interact with others, I’ve also realized it can serve as a coping mechanism for our internal struggles.

The toll of grief, trauma, and mental health issues can be overwhelming. I’ve faced my share of challenges, including PTSD from past abuse, bipolar disorder, autism, ADHD, dissociative identity disorder, blindness, and severe arthritis. My journey has been filled with emotional and physical upheaval.

When I share my experiences, I often hear the phrase, “Everything happens for a reason.” I confess I’ve used it myself. While there's nothing inherently wrong with this sentiment, I believe there are times when we may not fully grasp the reasons behind our experiences in the moment.

Sometimes, our past choices lead us to difficult situations. Other times, it’s the actions of those around us that shape our experiences. Regardless of the source, the idea of “reasons” is present.

Unfortunately, many people use this phrase to dismiss the depth of what someone else is going through. They might not know how to respond, so they resort to this phrase to ease their discomfort. Perhaps they have faced similar hardships and wish to avoid reliving them through someone else's pain.

In such instances, their intention is often not malicious; they simply lack the tools to acknowledge the gravity of the situation.

There are also those who think they are being helpful when they say, “Don’t mourn; it happened for a reason.” I recall a moment when I lost a friend, and my mother offered this phrase as a way to comfort me during my grief.

I’ve noticed I sometimes use this phrase against myself. As I’ve navigated through numerous painful experiences, I find my mind clinging to this idea as a way to rationalize the hardships I’ve faced. It’s a way to protect myself from fully confronting the truth of those experiences.

This phrase can create a false sense of acceptance, allowing us to convince ourselves that whatever we feel is normal. For instance, if I experience grief, I might think, “Well, it happened for a reason.”

It mirrors the rhetoric of conspiracy theories where individuals blame external forces for their circumstances, distancing themselves from personal responsibility. This mindset can lead to a lack of self-awareness and hinder personal growth.

Chapter 2: The Limits of Comforting Phrases

The first video titled "Colbie Caillat - Try (Acoustic Version)" discusses the importance of self-acceptance and the struggle of trying to meet societal expectations. In moments of grief, it’s crucial to embrace our vulnerabilities rather than gloss over them with empty phrases.

The second video, "Ruth B. & Dean Lewis - 28 [Official Lyric Video]," captures the essence of loss and longing, reflecting how we process emotions and the importance of genuine connection in times of sorrow.

When someone grapples with homelessness, for instance, telling them that “everything happens for a reason” fails to address the systemic barriers they face. Such comments can be dismissive and prevent meaningful support from being offered.

In moments of crisis, those who have suffered deeply require authentic assistance rather than platitudes. Once the immediate distress has subsided, that’s when we can engage in deeper discussions to uncover the reasons behind our feelings and initiate healing.

The most challenging aspect often comes from within. I’ve spent countless hours wrestling with the grief of the person I could have become had I not endured the traumas of my past. The childhood abuses led to further suffering in my adult life, robbing me of potential.

Many of my early memories are obscured, erased by my mind as a protective mechanism. While I may never recover those lost memories, telling myself “everything happens for a reason” is a way to soothe the ache of my lost potential.

I’ve cultivated enough false narratives within my soul; it’s time to seek genuine understanding and growth.

Ultimately, while it may be true that everything happens for a reason, I wonder if I must perpetuate lies to find comfort in my reality.

Other stories from me:

• Mental Health and Wellness

  Any narratives I craft regarding mental health, trauma, PTSD, and related themes.

About me:

I am an author with multiple books and numerous short stories published. Having experience with both traditional and self-publishing, I enjoy discussing the pros and cons of each. I navigate life with blindness and rely on modest disability payments. The government supports me with approximately $700 monthly, which inspired my journey into publishing as a supplementary income.

If you appreciate my work and feel inclined to support it, please consider buying me a Ko-Fi. Thank you deeply for being here. Keep striving to “be the best you that you can be” in each moment.