Chapter 1: Food and Emotional Well-Being

How am I managing? A quick glance at my fridge reveals a lot.

"Wow, you've got four containers of coffee creamer in here," my stepson remarked, prompting me to consider how I handle stress. Grocery shopping has become my way of coping, and it likely ties into my ongoing struggle with weight. This week, my legs ache from abandoning my usual low-carb shakes and intermittent fasting for whatever I could find in the fridge. Today, I'm taking a closer look at that.

Recently, I celebrated my birthday. My parents always made those days special, and I’ve always kept loved ones close. If a month passes without hearing from family or friends, I make a point to check in. For my birthday gathering, around twenty cherished friends and family members were present. At one point, my stepson’s girlfriend turned to me and asked, “Do you realize how much everyone here loves you?” I smiled and nodded, “Yes, I do.”

Yet, despite the love around me, I revert to being that little girl who misses her parents and brother on birthdays. My stress and grief intertwine like a braid with three strands.

The first strand is my longing for those I’ve lost. My father and I shared ice cream while watching "The Godfather" series over the holidays—food equates to love. The second strand is my tendency to overthink everything. Meal preparations distract my racing thoughts; food brings me a sense of peace. Lastly, I’m dealing with a recent health issue that requires attention. My doctor suggested I lose twenty more pounds, a source of stress and motivation. Food is life, yet it also carries the weight of health concerns.

Thankfully, I have a knack for finding humor in the little things. Just yesterday, after washing my car, I was amused by a sudden flock of geese approaching. What are the odds?

This morning, I approached my Keurig, wishing it would fail so I could resort to my old glass Pyrex coffee pot instead. I’ve chosen recyclable pods to lessen my environmental impact.

Peering into my fridge, I noticed my tendency to stockpile food as if preparing for a disaster. Mustard, ground mustard, honey mustard—the list goes on. I question how this accumulation happens.

With the upcoming elections, my anxiety rises, especially after the January 6th events. Inside the fridge, I found four containers of almond coffee creamer, alongside an array of condiments—more than anyone could ever need. The leftovers from my recent party linger, reminding me that I start hoarding food like a squirrel in winter whenever I feel stressed.

Am I facing a challenge? Yes, indeed. Here's how I'm tackling it: first, I’ll dispose of the leftovers. I can’t solve my issues by consuming everything. Instead, much of it will go to my hens. Next, I’ll clean out condiment jars and recycle them.

A friend, a local farmer, has experienced significant losses over the years. She’s been generous, sharing her bounty with me, which complicates my situation. Just yesterday, I accepted a large bag of broccoli, which I blanched and froze. Today, I set up my food dehydrator to dry pears and plums, and I’ll reach out to her to say, “No more, please.”

I've realized I have more than enough. The struggle of feeling inadequate—whether it’s food, love, or time—can be overwhelming. Reflecting on my childhood, I recognize a period of emotional scarcity due to my parents' tumultuous relationship, which often left us feeling neglected.

As the middle child, I often felt overlooked. My older sister was dramatic, while my younger brother was the charming one. I was the bookworm, often raiding the pantry for sugary cereals like Lucky Charms and Captain Crunch—a source of comfort that left me with sticky fingers and a round belly.

Food was a balm in a household that often felt silent and tense. Today, I’m filled with gratitude for the love I receive from those around me, both past and present. I realize that it's natural to reflect on those we've lost and to wish they were still here.

However, today I choose to focus on the present. I will embrace those who are still in my life and remind myself that food does not equate to love. The best way to show self-love is by cleaning out my fridge. This act will bring me the peace of clearing both physical and mental clutter.

Thank you for following my story. I truly appreciate your support. Here’s another narrative about mental health and the importance of calming a busy mind.

The video titled "Redefining Food Insecurity: Let's Talk Health" explores the connection between food access, emotional well-being, and community support, shedding light on how these elements intertwine in our lives.