Chapter 1: Recognizing the Signs

It’s crucial to assess whether you need to leave an unhealthy relationship. In my case, the warning signs were overwhelming. The situation had escalated as my partner's excessive drinking led to aggression toward me and my daughter. I felt imminent danger and knew it was time to act.

However, the urgency to leave quickly was overshadowed by the need for a well-thought-out escape plan. Prioritizing safety was paramount. I allocated a month to formulate my strategy—what worked for me might differ for you. Remember, I’m not a mental health professional; I can only share my personal experience and insights.

I’m part of a supportive network of women dedicated to fostering a safe environment for others. Recognizing that you’re not alone is the first step toward seeking help. If you or someone you know is in danger, keep reading.

My "Get Out Fast" Checklist:

1. Start Apartment Hunting: Begin searching for a new place to live, whether it’s an apartment or a room for rent. I relied on local resources—like coffee shops and grocery stores—rather than online searches, which could be monitored.

Words of wisdom: Persistence is key. If your partner has access to your internet history, consider using public library computers for your searches.

2. Create a New Email Account: In today’s digital age, it’s easy for an abusive partner to gain access to your communications. I created a separate email account while at the library, using it exclusively for my escape plans, ensuring no trace remained at home.
3. Get a PO Box: This might seem extreme, but forwarding your mail to a PO Box can protect your new address from being discovered. I scheduled the forwarding just days before my move to ensure my ex wouldn’t see any change of address notifications.
4. Open a Separate Bank Account: If you share financial accounts, it’s essential to establish your own. I changed my banking passwords and linked my new email to prevent unauthorized access, using my PO Box as my mailing address.
5. Secure a Storage Unit: I found an affordable storage unit to store my belongings discreetly. This allowed me to pack items away without raising suspicion at home, keeping everything organized and out of sight.
6. Gather Essentials First: Gradually collect your most valuable items. I cleverly disguised my packing as a decluttering effort, using a garbage bag to transport clothes and belongings to my storage unit without arousing suspicion.
7. Plan Strategically: I created a detailed chart of what to move each week, ensuring I could take valuable items without being noticed. I strategically swapped out photos and moved personal items during regular redecorating sessions.
8. Purchase a Burner Phone: I bought a prepaid phone to keep my communications private. This way, I could make important calls without my partner seeing my call history.
9. Maintain Normalcy: Acting casually was essential. I didn’t want to raise any alarms that might lead him to suspect my plans. Small deviations in routine went unnoticed, helping me execute my plan discreetly.
10. Buy Extra Groceries: Stocking up on essentials helped me feel prepared for my new life. I collected items slowly, ensuring I had everything I needed for my new home without arousing suspicion.
11. Tell a Trusted Friend: Having someone in your corner can provide crucial support. I confided in my best friend, who offered help during the moving process and emotional backing afterward.
12. Secure the Keys: I arranged my utilities and signed the lease well before my moving date. This gave me time to clean and prepare the new space, making it feel like home.
13. Order a Moving Truck: If you have larger items, rent a truck ahead of time. I secured a small truck for moving day, ensuring my belongings were transported quickly while my ex was at work.
14. Never Go Back: Ensure you have everything you need before leaving. Returning can be dangerous and may undo all your careful planning.
15. Be Aware of Your Surroundings: After moving, I took precautions to avoid being followed. I drove in unpredictable patterns, keeping my daughter and myself safe from potential threats.

Leaving was one of the most terrifying experiences of my life, but it was also the best decision I ever made. I’ve since built a happy, healthy life free from fear. If you’re in a similar situation, remember: you possess more strength than you realize.

Learn how to escape an abusive relationship with practical advice and personal stories.

Chapter 2: Planning Your Escape

Discover effective strategies for leaving a relationship with a narcissist and reclaiming your life.