# Reflections from a 40-Year-Old to My 20-Year-Old Self
Written on
Chapter 1: Life Lessons
As I approach my 40th birthday, I find myself reflecting on the past decade and the two decades since I was 20. If I could sit down with my 20-year-old self today, here’s the guidance I would offer, listed without any particular order:
ON LIFE
- The most important task in your life is to truly understand yourself.
- Begin to view every event in your life as a step toward your growth.
- It's sometimes acceptable to tell a little white lie.
- The questions you ask often hold more significance than the answers. Strive to inquire more thoughtfully.
- Love is profoundly important, even if you’re not fully aware of it yet. Expressing "I love you," recognizing love, and experiencing genuine affection all have deep meaning.
- Remember, those who are hurt tend to hurt others, but that’s no justification. They have the power to change their behavior.
- Seek therapy when needed.
ON YOUR ACTIONS
- It’s perfectly fine to refuse requests without having to explain yourself.
- Separate your self-esteem from your job.
- Understand that wanting to be an exception doesn’t make you one.
- You don’t need to prove you are correct; sometimes, just knowing it suffices.
- People are less concerned about your appearance than you think.
- Enjoy the foods that make you happy, and do so guilt-free.
- Exercise whenever you can; even ten minutes counts.
- Don’t feel shy about speaking other languages; others aren’t judging you.
- Most people are preoccupied with their own thoughts, not yours.
- Making others feel inferior won’t enhance your self-worth.
- It’s acceptable to remain neutral on certain topics.
- Volume doesn’t equate to value; your opinion holds no more weight just because you shout it.
- Invest in a quality pillow for better sleep.
- You’re not rooted in place; take charge of your life and make changes when necessary.
- Being a hypocrite is preferable to stagnation.
ON PATIENCE
- Waiting is a form of action.
- Learn to appreciate the flow of time.
- Take five minutes to pause before reacting to significant events; this brief moment can provide clarity.
ON BUSINESS AND ENTREPRENEURSHIP
- Choose your ideas wisely.
- A sustainable business is far better than a poorly funded venture.
- Recognize that quitting can be a valid choice.
- Sometimes what’s truly meaningful doesn’t pay, and what pays may lack significance.
- There’s more to existence than just entrepreneurship.
ON SUCCESS
- Recent achievements will never feel like enough; they merely set the stage for your next goal.
- Don’t passively accept others' definitions of success as your own.
- Success is a personal journey, not a communal one.
- It’s multidimensional; while money matters, it’s not the sole measure. True happiness defines success.
ON FAILURE
- Accept that failure is likely in many pursuits, and that’s okay.
- Care enough to take risks, even if they lead to failure.
- The only true failure is the refusal to try.
ON BEING WRONG
- Embrace being wrong; it’s an opportunity for growth.
- Apologize swiftly and sincerely; the longer you wait, the harder it becomes.
- Apologizing doesn’t mean losing power; it signifies regaining control.
- Sometimes, others may make you feel incorrect even when you are right.
ON DRUGS
- Not all substances are equal; some are harmful, while others can lead to positive change.
- Alcohol is detrimental; it’s best to avoid it.
- The impact of drugs varies from person to person.
- Drugs can only control you if you allow them to. As my grandfather used to say, "Drink the drink, don’t let the drink drink you."
- If you choose to buy drugs (which I do not recommend), remember that quality is vital.
ON FAMILY
- You truly can choose your family.
- Biological ties don’t grant relatives perpetual access to your life.
- You + her = family.
ON FRIENDS
- Many of your current friends may not be the best influences, and that’s okay for now.
- Cut ties with toxic relationships sooner rather than later.
- Engage in hobbies that foster friendships; making connections gets harder with age.
- Having a best friend is essential, as is being one.
- It’s alright if you’re not your best friend's top choice.
ON MONEY
- Holding onto your money too tightly can hinder your ability to make more.
- Save at least 10% of your monthly income, for your future's sake.
- Prioritize spending on experiences over material possessions.
- If you believe in an idea, invest in it wholeheartedly or not at all.
ON TRAVELING AND MOVING
- Relocate to a different country sooner; your true home isn’t where you were born.
- Frequently moving can be beneficial, teaching you to appreciate simplicity.
- Travel for enjoyment; it’s crucial for your happiness.
- Snowboarding brings you peace; do it more often.
- Take trips alone and also with her.
ON LIFE PARTNERS
- Finding her will be the best thing for you, even if you’re unaware now.
- She will become the most significant person in your life; don’t jeopardize that.
- Healthy relationships will have challenging days, but too many can be detrimental.
- Prioritize kindness toward her over criticism.
- Always choose her first; if you can’t, reconsider the relationship.
THE FINAL THOUGHTS
- Plan for the long term, think in years, work in months, and live in the present.
- Don’t be overly precious with new belongings; use them freely and don’t fear damage.
- Ignore unsolicited advice or rules; what works for others might not suit you (even the 40-year-old me).