Please pardon any mistakes. My time is constrained and urgent. I will revise and enhance this piece once I emerge from this metaphorical Gilded Cage… ideally within a few weeks.

> "Everybody Hurts" — REM > "Cause everybody hurts > Take comfort in your friends > Everybody hurts"

> "She Used to be Mine" — Sara Bareilles > "She’s imperfect, but she tries > She is good, but she lies > She is hard on herself > She is broken and won’t ask for help > She is messy, but she’s kind > She is lonely most (ALL OF) the time"

> "You’ve Got a Friend" — James Taylor > "When people can be so cold? > They’ll hurt you, yes, and desert you > And take your soul if you let them > Oh, but don’t you let them"

Dear Friend, your support means the world to me, and I appreciate your belief in my journey. I hope to reconnect soon, but finding a safe space is proving difficult. Currently, I feel unmoored, lacking a sense of home, hope, or help. For over a month, I've been distanced and isolated from family and "friends." I know you would take me in if possible, but we both understand that your temporary refuge isn't a solution to my deeper issues.

The only true remedy lies in rediscovering the love and belonging I felt in the past, when my parents were alive and my daughter respected me.

Those who empathize understand the reality: J’s actions stem from manipulation by those in authority around her. For more than a year, I haven't felt secure with my family or "our friends." My relationship with J's father has never provided safety, nor has it for my precious daughter. Once a radiant little spirit, she has transformed into a confused and frightened young woman, struggling with the traits she inherited from both of us. From me, she learned to prioritize others' desires over her own well-being. From her father, she gained intelligence but lacks common sense and self-compassion. She mirrors my anxious attachment style, combined with her father's egotistical avoidance and fierce independence—a disastrous blend. She respects those in power over her while dismissing those she can control.

Tragically, the person she currently holds the most power over is me, and under her father's influence, she is using that power to harm me. Her disrespect has been evident since childhood; initially charming at five, it became troubling by twelve. Experts and friends assured me she would outgrow it, but as she has entered her twenties, her defiance and manipulation have intensified.

It's clear J doesn't intend to hurt me, but positive intent does not mitigate the impact of harmful actions. The damaging effects of her father and grandfather's manipulations are profound. Unfortunately, J remains blind to the harm inflicted upon her, which allows her to mimic their abusive patterns.

Grandpa “Prem,” a cult member and unkind man, manipulates his son Scott, who in turn manipulates me and J. J has become a reflection of this manipulation. Despite not wishing to harm me, it's the only dynamic she knows, trapped among immature adults and failing to trust those who genuinely care for her well-being.

The power she wields over me is compounded by financial resources and my unwavering commitment to her as a mother. Like her father, she continually makes mistakes and seeks to resolve interpersonal conflicts with monetary solutions.

As Einstein wisely stated: “We can’t solve problems by using the same kind of thinking we used when we created them.”

Money has never repaired a relationship; often, it is the source of division, while love and authenticity forge connections. Genuine repairs require honesty, kindness, commitment, and connection. The more significant the fracture, the more challenging the restoration. Unfortunately, my relationship with J feels increasingly irreparable.

Everyone tells me this is merely a "phase," yet the harm inflicted during this period is escalating, leading me to fear that her neural pathways may be permanently altered. Much like her father, who developed in unhealthy ways due to early intelligence and wealth, J is entrenched in unhealthy patterns that may haunt her indefinitely.

J has been struggling for a long time, but her admission is recent. She has blamed her turmoil on me, yet attributing her pain to my actions only amplifies our suffering. Neither of us is at fault; I can only change if someone identifies which of my behaviors require adjustment.

I’ve tried to outline the actions that have harmed me—financial manipulation, gaslighting, bullying, and more—but the focus remains on my words rather than others' actions.

I'm no longer willing to defend myself; it's time for others to own their behaviors.

Yes, I acknowledge my suicide attempt, a harmful act toward others. However, suicidal ideation arises from how we are treated, not from any neurological disorder. Such thoughts stem from enduring trauma, not a flawed brain. Self-harm is a desperate plea for help, and when ignored, the risk to the victim—and those around them—grows significantly.

A mother’s cry for help impacts her children, regardless of age. While a supportive father can mitigate a mother's shortcomings, an abusive father paired with a victimized mother is a recipe for disaster. The cycle of abuse continues through generations, as seen with Sylvia Plath and her mother—both brilliant women harmed by powerful men. Sylvia lost her life; her mother lost her daughter, and the consequences rippled through their families.

After my attempt, I initially thought I'd made a grave mistake taking a bottle of pills out of desperation. Regaining consciousness alone in a psychiatric hospital left me feeling disheartened. Celebrating my 60th birthday in confinement has been even more traumatic than the week leading to my attempt.

Just two months ago, I never imagined I would act on my suicidal thoughts, yet chronic trauma and over-medication twist perceptions of reality. Animals and babies lack suicidal thoughts because they live in a safer environment.

Suicidality resides in our pre-frontal cortex, where healthy neural pathways are crucial for survival. The earlier we face such thoughts, the greater the damage to our pathways, which diminishes our chances for a fulfilling adult life. I consider myself fortunate that my struggles didn’t emerge until age 55.

I've lingered on the edge for too long, reaching out for help that hasn’t materialized. True support is scarce—not from family, false friends, or most professionals. I've been in a dark place for over a year and a half without a single good day since March 2023, and the past few weeks have been unbearable.

In late July, I voluntarily admitted myself to the renowned McLean Psychiatric Hospital due to suicidal thoughts. It felt like my only choice after my cries for help went unanswered. Unfortunately, that decision led to a cascade of betrayal I never anticipated.

A week later, just four days after leaving McLean, I was involuntarily detained at my brother's behest, alongside my daughter's influence. I was escorted from my apartment by police into an ambulance, enduring four nights of sheer torment. This experience has left me with night terrors and an inability to be alone in my home. I hope to share more about this trauma when I feel stable—if that ever happens.

I spent two weeks lost in my thoughts before making a costly attempt to reconnect with my sister in Norway, which ended poorly. Accused of self-pity, I departed four days later with nowhere to go, deliberately missing my connecting flight in Amsterdam, fearing a return to the U.S. psychiatric system. I faced two dreadful nights there, contemplating ending my life. Two dear friends sustained me through the anguish, and one even offered refuge in mid-September.

I pleaded with my daughter for compassion.

Reluctantly, I flew from Amsterdam to DC, where my daughter temporarily resides. She wanted to help me, but lacks the necessary tools. Since losing my parents and our bond, J has chosen unhealthy role models, learning entitlement over kindness.

As warned, DC proved to be an even greater mistake than Norway. By the time someone checked on me the following day, I had been unconscious for nearly 12 hours. I didn’t wake until 17 hours later, already a patient in Georgetown University Hospital’s adult psychiatric unit. I wasn’t grateful to be alive then, and a week later, despite the kindness of the staff, I still don’t feel safe alone with my thoughts.

Currently, I am on a challenging journey across the country without my psychiatric medications, which the flawed system had me dependent on. My flight has been re-booked multiple times, complicating my journey to Spokane, WA. As I feel withdrawal symptoms and overwhelming stress, enduring until tomorrow feels unbearable. I can’t summon any more strength or courage; I’m a superwoman but not superhuman.

Where am I headed? Admittedly, this is part of my shame, but I must be transparent to survive. I won’t disclose the facility's name, but this endeavor orchestrated by my daughter and her father will exceed $20,000. It seems I hold monetary value only when locked away, yet I’ve never received a shred of kindness to ease my pain.

Kindness is FREE! Had my ex-husband shown even a modicum of compassion toward either me or our daughter, we wouldn’t find ourselves in this predicament.

Scott has relentlessly sought to destroy me—his motives remain unclear. Is it for power? No one benefits from these toxic dynamics; we all suffer.

Will we continue to lose, or will J, her partner, and I find a way to heal?

Please help us reclaim a sense of balance and the chance to heal.

Since I will be confined again, without access to my phone or laptop (or dignity), I share this message from the Las Vegas airport, isolated. Most in my situation would have a caring relative or a private nurse alongside them. Instead, I am deemed only worthy of confinement. I am clearly NOT valued enough to ensure my safety during my transition from one "prison" to another.

Feel free to share this widely with anyone inquiring about my well-being. This narrative is my current response. I hope for a brighter future upon my release from this Gilded Cage.

I’m holding on, but just barely. Please help.