Chapter 1: The Apology Experiment

In a bid for self-improvement, I have embarked on an experiment: eliminating apologetic language from my communications. While I will continue to apologize to my family when I'm in the wrong, I aim to adjust my approach in other aspects of my life.

A few weeks back, I was in pursuit of someone who owed our family a favor. The term “owe” can be misleading, as it was more about a mutual agreement than a strict obligation. For example, imagine someone had pledged to invest in our business. In this scenario, my wife and I coordinate our communication efforts. I shared a draft message that included my usual “sorry for checking in” language, and she questioned, “Why are you apologizing?” After all, they had committed to the action but were simply delayed; an apology was unwarranted.

She was spot on! As the business-minded person in our family, this incident made me realize that my tendency to apologize is a recurring issue, and I wonder if it has hindered my effectiveness. While it may not have caused direct harm—after all, being polite is generally viewed positively—in the competitive realm of business, excessive apologies may convey weakness.

The roots of my apologetic style can be traced back to a few unsuccessful entrepreneurial ventures that made me more reserved. Ideally, as I adopt this new strategy, I should also minimize the actual instances that warrant an apology. For instance, being late to a call is a situation where an apology is fitting. If I join a Zoom meeting five minutes behind schedule, it’s natural to express regret. Therefore, I am committed to making a concerted effort not to be late. However, I recognize that sometimes delays are unavoidable. My approach will be to refrain from apologizing, unless circumstances warrant it, such as a significant change in plans or a cancellation.

The idea of “checking in” should never carry apologetic undertones, which I often find myself using. Similarly, when reaching out for a favor or making a request, I will avoid apologies. Being courteous does not necessitate a sense of guilt.

Moreover, if there is a delay in responding to someone, I can skip the “Sorry for the late reply” preamble. Since I am now engaging with them, I can simply focus on the matter at hand without needing to justify my previous silence.

My dog, Astra, enjoys playing with tennis balls, but when they roll beneath the sofa, she can crawl underneath but struggles to get back out. She waits patiently for us to notice and assist her. While this may seem like an unrelated anecdote, it serves as a reminder of the importance of clarity and directness in communication.

Chapter 2: Communicating with Confidence

The video titled "Think Fast, Talk Smart: Communication Techniques" offers valuable insights into effective communication strategies. It emphasizes how to express oneself confidently and clearly, aligning perfectly with the goal of reducing apologetic language in conversations.