Rediscovering Joy in the Ordinary: Embracing a Mundane Life
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Chapter 1: Understanding My Shift to a Simpler Existence
It's not the appearance of our lives that defines them; rather, it's the emotions they evoke.
For a significant portion of the past few years, I've struggled with my life’s direction. Admitting this feels uncomfortable because society often expects us to portray our lives as glamorous and fulfilling. Since 2020, my existence has altered drastically, and I still grapple with accepting this new reality.
Prior to 2020, I was an active participant in my world. I believed I was making strides, living an exhilarating life filled with promise and activity. I was involved in a family-run business tied to my passion—figure skating—while also training in speed skating. My weekends were packed with events, I performed in ice shows, maintained my fitness, and enjoyed a vibrant social life. I even earned gold medals.
Then, the COVID-19 pandemic hit. Just weeks before the lockdown, I had been on the ice with Olympic athletes during an anniversary performance, covering the event for various publications. Once the lockdown began, my mother and I found ourselves in limbo, awaiting the chance to reopen our business, which ultimately never happened as it was sold in 2021.
That year, we purchased a house, and much of it was consumed with moving out of our old spaces. Additionally, it was during this period that I faced significant mental health challenges. I now understand that these struggles stemmed from a profound identity crisis combined with undiagnosed ADHD, anxiety, and depression. The shift from an exhilarating lifestyle to one that felt mundane has been a difficult adjustment.
A wise friend once told me, “You need to learn how to exist in the ordinary without feeling the urge to constantly seek excitement.” This advice came as I grappled with my new lifestyle, which involved unpacking boxes and spending time at home, a stark contrast to my once-bustling routine.
I gradually ceased my training, and a summer injury sealed my fate, leaving me unable to skate at the level I once did. I felt a sense of boredom and disorientation. Now, I've gained weight and my fitness has declined compared to just two years ago, leaving my ego bruised.
This isn't a lamentation but rather an acknowledgment of a universal truth: our identities can shift, and we must adapt or face unnecessary suffering. I thought I was free from ego-driven pursuits, observing others chasing achievements. However, I recently realized that I had been doing the same. With my previous pursuits behind me, I found myself questioning where I fit in.
Eckhart Tolle's poignant insight struck me: “If I cannot live with myself, there must be two of me: the ‘I’ and the ‘self’ that ‘I’ cannot live with.” Perhaps, I pondered, only one of these selves is genuine.
Recently, it dawned on me that my struggles were largely unnecessary. I was clinging to the ‘old me’ while the ‘new me’—the one who is aligned with purpose, health, and wisdom—was striving to emerge. Thus, I made a commitment to embrace my life as it is while making the necessary changes to enhance the aspects I find unfulfilling.
Section 1.1: Acknowledging the Changes
I am beginning to discern the difference between actions driven by ego and those that reflect my true values. I've relinquished or lost many elements that once defined my life. My business has vanished. My skating routine is nearly nonexistent. I no longer write freelance. I stepped down from my leadership position in a local non-profit and stopped dedicating my time and energy to those who didn’t value my contributions. I chose to abandon the hustle and the need to validate my worth through accomplishments. I distanced myself from relationships that no longer served my growth.
While this sounds like a positive transformation, I often felt as though I was simply giving up. The truth is: I’m not unhappy with my current activities; rather, I’m discontent with their outward appearance. My ego had been steering my choices, leading me to pursue activities that, more often than not, left me feeling burnt out.
Today, I focus on simpler pleasures. I share my thoughts on Medium, enjoy inline skating or biking, and spend quiet evenings with my cat while watching television. My life may not be perfect or photogenic, but it brings me genuine satisfaction. Now, I have the bandwidth to enhance my life further.
In the past, I was too preoccupied with projecting an image of importance to concentrate on what truly matters: my health, my home, my relationships, and my genuine purpose—writing. Now, I have the opportunity to prioritize these.
If you find yourself in a similar situation, take stock of your activities and reflect on whether they resonate with your true values or if you’re merely engaging in them out of obligation. If the latter is true, consider letting go of those commitments to redirect your focus.
Subsection 1.1.1: Redefining Normalcy
I’ve come to realize that my life is still unique. Throughout my life, I’ve sought to avoid what I perceived as ‘normal.’ I feared the traditional path of marriage and children, envisioning a life of fame or an unconventional career as an entrepreneur. I shunned the 9-to-5 grind, yearning for the freedom to earn a living on my own terms.
However, my pursuit of excitement often led to difficult situations. Running a small business proved challenging, especially against the backdrop of competition from giants like Amazon and the unpredictable nature of seasonal tourism. I often found myself spending beyond my means to travel and seek experiences, which was just my way of escaping responsibility.
I was unaware of my ADHD until 2021, which made it challenging to focus on multiple endeavors simultaneously. Consequently, when I concentrated on business, my skating and health took a backseat. Likewise, my involvement with non-profit sports organizations often distracted me from my writing.
Recently, I’ve acknowledged that my life is distinct compared to many peers my age. I don’t adhere to a conventional work schedule, lack romantic relationships, and live with my parents, both of whom have health issues that I assist with when possible. I also indulge in unique hobbies—writing, skating, and biking—at my convenience.
This realization has led me to understand that a life does not need to be extraordinary, thrilling, or glamorous to be meaningful. What matters is that it brings fulfillment in its own way. Simplicity and tranquility can be just as rewarding as wealth and notoriety.
Reflect on your life and the aspects that make it unique. Compile a list of these characteristics alongside the simple joys you appreciate. Embrace the uncommon elements of your life while also celebrating the small, everyday pleasures.
Chapter 2: Cultivating Gratitude and Setting Goals
The first video discusses how to embrace mundane days without letting them overwhelm you, offering insights on how to reignite joy in your life.
The second video showcases the beauty of everyday life in the suburbs, illustrating how to find joy in simplicity.
I have a dear friend facing severe health challenges. He has a rare heart condition and struggles with his eyesight, which may require an eye patch. This was once an individual who was athletic, traveled extensively, and participated in marathons. Just months ago, he explored the historical ruins in Belize.
In our conversations, he encourages me to appreciate my current health. Though it may sound clichéd, hearing this from someone whose life has transformed so drastically resonates deeply with me. “Value your health and what your body can do right now, as it might not always be so,” he often reminds me.
I experienced a personal awakening last summer when a biking accident left me unable to walk for two weeks. It was during this time that I truly valued the ability to stand without pain.
Instead of perpetually seeking something better, it’s essential to focus on what you possess in the present moment. If you enjoy good health, consider yourself fortunate.
You might wonder, "What if I’m dissatisfied with my current life?" The answer lies in making a change.
I recently set out to enhance my fitness and health. After gaining weight, I established mini-goals for myself. These include tracking my daily food intake, committing to at least 20 minutes of exercise daily, and creating a consistent sleep schedule.
It's easy to fall into the trap of hopelessness and complaint, yet change is only possible if we take proactive steps to instigate it. When I find myself complaining, I pause to ask, “What can I do to change this situation?” While sometimes the answer is beyond my control, often I find actionable steps I can take.
Taking small, daily steps keeps me feeling accomplished and fulfilled.
In conclusion, reframing my perspective on my new reality has opened the door to improvement. Transitioning into a new life phase can be challenging. We often cling to familiar patterns because they provide comfort. Yet, discomfort is often a precursor to growth.
Even if we find ourselves discontent with quieter moments, they are just as essential. Through introspection and honest self-evaluation, we can learn to accept and even appreciate a more mundane existence, even when contrasting sharply with a previous dynamic life. I achieve this by:
- Identifying which past identities and activities were driven by ego versus those that genuinely added value, and then choosing to pursue the latter.
- Recognizing that my life, like everyone else's, is unique; I do not need to seek out excitement to lead a fulfilling life.
- Reflecting on my blessings and tracking my progress towards achieving my goals to alter what I find unsatisfactory.
Ultimately, it’s not about how life appears externally, but rather how it feels internally that truly matters.