Chapter 1: The Value of Love in Later Life

A pastor once inquired of a 90-year-old man whether he wished he had achieved more during his lifetime. The man's response was simple: "No, I wish I had loved more." As I approach my 80th birthday, I reflect on my past and often feel a sense of regret for not having accomplished more. However, dwelling on the past isn't productive. The real question is, what matters most to me right now — in this moment, on this day?

One of the benefits of aging is the gift of time. If we didn't express enough love during the earlier seasons of our lives, our later years offer a chance for renewal. Let's embrace this period as "The Winter of Love." The regret expressed by that 90-year-old man should resonate with us deeply: "I should have loved more."

Imagine facing the end of your life, filled with sorrow, realizing, "I should have been more present for my friends and family instead of being so self-absorbed — but now it’s too late!" The truth is, it’s never too late to start.

Love Is Abundant

We can cultivate love starting today during this Winter of Love. Money cannot buy love; it originates from within us, not from material possessions or financial gains. Love is an innate resource, flowing freely from our hearts. It should be our foremost goal! Without love, we might endure a lonely winter. While some say love conquers all, I believe love is accessible to everyone.

Love lies dormant within us, like a hidden ember in a waning fire, waiting to be reignited. We can nurture it by deepening our connections with those we hold dear. Begin by listening more attentively and speaking less frequently.

Moreover, we can learn to love ourselves—not through selfishness, but by ensuring our own well-being first. When our minds are calm and love radiates from us, we can remain composed in chaotic situations, allowing us to support others effectively. Love thrives in the present. The more we immerse ourselves in the now, the more love flourishes in our hearts.

Finding Love in Unexpected Places

There is no step-by-step guide for discovering love; it often appears when we least anticipate it, provided we remain open. It could be sparked by a stranger’s smile or the sight of pink peach blossoms dusted with snow. Love flourishes in a tranquil mind. A mind filled with anger is also the one that is capable of love.

As the 9th-century Zen master Yunmen once said, “A coin lost in the river is found in the river.”

The Role of Meditation

Meditation has gradually eased my anger over the years and infused my life with love (though my wife may argue otherwise). I didn’t start meditating to find love; the concept isn’t frequently discussed in Zen. However, compassion, a form of love, is often emphasized.

Love is innocent and instinctual — a feeling that is easily recognized yet challenging to articulate. Artists, poets, and creators express their love through their crafts; love is an act of giving without expectation.

Pastor Lydia Soen, who interviewed the elderly gentleman mentioned earlier, revealed common regrets among those in their nineties:

• They regretted not taking more risks to express love.
• They wished they had been more affectionate with new friends and closer to those already in their lives.
• They lamented not being better listeners and wished for more empathy and consideration.
• They wished they had spent more quality time with loved ones.

None expressed regret over working extra hours or earning more money. As they neared the end of their lives, their regrets were straightforward.

Love thrives in simplicity. It can be likened to a starving dog or a homeless kitten. Love is found in the smile of a child upon seeing you return home from work. It is about saying "I'm sorry" when necessary. If anger is a hard rock, love is a soft pillow.

The Beatles captured this sentiment perfectly in their song "All You Need Is Love." If they had proclaimed that "all you need is money," it wouldn’t have resonated with us. The song became a hit because we inherently understood its truth — even if it isn't always practical.

The Essence of Love: A Child’s Perspective

In my first-grade class in Miami, Oklahoma, I brought a brown paper bag filled with Valentine's cards to share with all my classmates. At the end of the day, I returned home with my bag overflowing with cards from them. This was our way of expressing love, and it was serious business — if someone forgot my card, I felt hurt.

I might not have been fully aware of love at that age, but I experienced a form of unconscious, unconditional love for my teacher, classmates, parents, and the world around me. Life felt joyous in first grade. Spending time with a child can remind us of that pure love.

Retirement: A Chance to Cultivate Love

There is no handbook for retirement. It can be triggered by unexpected events like layoffs or illness, or it might be a well-planned transition. Regardless of how it unfolds, it necessitates mindfulness and creativity to navigate this new chapter effectively.

For some, retirement signifies stillness, akin to a second childhood or a fresh start, allowing one to live fully rather than merely survive. For others, it can be a challenging experience, while for many, it is a blissful time.

A New Perspective: Learning from the Next Generation

We can learn the true meaning of love by spending time with grandchildren, nieces, nephews, or any children we encounter. The love from a pet can also be enlightening, as they have much to teach us about affection. Instead of imparting “adulting” lessons to our grandchildren, we should let them teach us about the joy of being a child.

Finding Stillness

As always, my thoughts return to meditation. However, consider it not just as meditation but as a means to quiet the mind. Whether it’s through creating art, gardening, walking, running, swimming, cooking, reading, or writing, find activities that bring you joy.

Everyone possesses a unique interest or talent that requires stillness. For me, meditation and writing provide that needed tranquility, centering me and fulfilling my soul.

Ultimately, stillness is an invitation to love.

Describing love with words is often futile. Instead, keep your heart and mind open.

Gary

June 2024

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Chapter 2: The Power of Love in Retirement

In the first video, "How to Age with Purpose," Richard Leider discusses the importance of finding meaning and purpose in our later years, emphasizing love as a fundamental aspect of a fulfilling life.

In the second video, "I Asked 1000 Older People for Advice and Learned...", insights from numerous individuals reveal common themes about love and connection as pivotal elements in living a meaningful life.