Chapter 1: A Personal Reflection

You cannot deplete kindness, regardless of where or how you express it.

Here’s a snapshot of me, beaming with joy after an adventurous haircut using kitchen scissors and a YouTube tutorial. This spot has become my writing nook, especially on days when I feel too drained to move.

Crafting this narrative has taken me over a week, and even now, I find myself catching my breath after a simple task like brushing my teeth. It feels akin to running a steep mile. My journey to manage CPTSD symptoms has been extensive; I've documented that journey elsewhere. Thankfully, conditions have improved, largely due to self-guided therapeutic methods. However, the most significant hurdle I face now is chronic fatigue.

I've found a treatment plan that offers some relief, but currently, I can't access those medications. Balancing a standard 9-to-5 job with my role as my partner's disability assistant is impossible, which is why we create online content together.

Originally hailing from Michigan and a proud graduate of the University of Michigan Ann Arbor, I now find myself in Poland with my partner. For the past eight years, we’ve lived in social isolation, striving to heal and find a way out of this conservative environment. The local community is often openly anti-LGBT, which forces my transgender partner to conceal their identity, and there exists a significant stigma against individuals with disabilities. Additionally, the prevalence of alcoholism is alarming, and as someone who has been sober for eight years, my commitment to sobriety is often disrespected here.

Our goal is to remain here only until we can heal and accumulate the resources needed to relocate to a city where we can thrive. The combination of our respective challenges and the absence of healthy in-person social support has been incredibly taxing.

Mental health services have often been counterproductive, prompting us to explore alternative healing methods. I’ve been prescribed over 20 different psychiatric medications, with many either ineffective or exacerbating my symptoms. My partner endured five years on Ativan before I arrived; it took a year for her to safely detox and even longer for her to fully recover.

Yet, despite these obstacles, we continue to move forward. I've managed to shed 100 pounds, and my partner is working on her first short film that addresses Internal Family Systems therapy principles and childhood trauma. We strive to make the best of our situation.

Our online meeting in September 2013 marked the beginning of our collaboration, as we were both in dire straits. Shortly thereafter, I distanced myself from my relatives, and together we began planning our first course. We developed self-help programs based on the strategies that aided our healing, with our initial project focusing on recovering from pornography addiction through Udemy.

Our most recent course is an introduction to 3D animation on Skillshare. We're gradually shifting towards infotainment to fulfill our aspirations of helping others heal from their traumas, preventing them from experiencing the struggles that plagued our families and ourselves.

I wish to extend the kindness that I lacked during my upbringing. Growing up, I was frequently asked, "So, what are you?" My speech difficulties and distinct appearance from my relatives sparked curiosity. Although they inquired about my ethnicity, the question resonated with me on a deeper level.

When I pondered, "Who am I?", my mind often went blank or became overwhelmed. This inquiry was particularly daunting during my childhood, compounded by poverty and unending dysfunction at home. Psychiatric evaluations provided little clarity, and I later read their reports. The only meaningful intervention came from one individual.

In fifth grade, I faced a significant breakdown, my academic performance plummeting, and special education meetings became a routine occurrence regarding my behavior. Ironically, these discussions, which revolved around me, excluded my input, leaving me dissociated as they deliberated. My mother appeared to be my advocate, yet her untreated mental illness and trauma were the root causes of my struggles.

Before one of these meetings, while I waited in the office after yet another emotional meltdown, I encountered a third-grade girl. She inquired about my distress, and I poured out my confusion about having two dads and my biracial identity. Despite her own loss—her parents perished in a car accident and she was raised by her grandparents—she responded with sincere compassion.

That brief interaction was more impactful than any psychological assessment or special education intervention. It taught me the transformative power of kindness, a lesson I carry with me to this day. Although I have faltered in embodying this principle, I have always sought to share kindness, which has been a lifeline for me.

Even amidst the verbal and psychological abuse from my mother, I clung to kindness and hope. Her words felt like physical blows, and in moments when I attempted to escape, her grip would pull me back, forcing me to endure. With my sensory sensitivities linked to being on the autism spectrum, I often felt trapped in my own body, yet I found compassion for her suffering, even amid my pain.

My grandmother's foster care and my aunt's group home were sources of chaotic unpredictability. Even when my extended family ridiculed my plight and inflicted their psychological torment, I still yearned to assist them.

Despite the overwhelming toll it took on me, reducing me to a lesser version of myself, kindness persisted within me. It became my guiding light through psychiatric abuse, trauma, obesity, and the degradation of my community.

Kindness introduced me to my current partner, and together we create content with the hope of aiding others in their healing journeys. For now, we remain isolated until we can gather the strength to leave.

Through kindness, I've come to realize that the trauma I experienced was inherited, passed down through generations. I write on Medium with the aspiration of breaking these cycles for others while seeking ways to rehabilitate both my partner and myself. We are learning 3D modeling and animation to develop self-help resources that contribute to a global healing movement, aiming to prevent others from becoming too broken to seek self-actualization.

I hope this content endures beyond us, ensuring that fewer individuals experience the same pain we did and that more cycles can be broken.

Although I still feel out of place wherever I go, I no longer feel as lost as I once did. Now, when I ask myself, "Who am I?", the answer resonates clearly: "I am who I am, and I strive to be kind."

Chapter 2: Bridging Science and Compassion

In this TEDx talk, Jasmine Clark discusses the critical link between scientific understanding and policy-making, emphasizing how compassion can drive effective change.

Chapter 3: The Healing Power of Art

Jasmine Clarke's visual lyric video explores the emotional landscape of healing and connection through art, reminding us of the importance of expression in recovery.