Chapter 1: Societal Expectations and Self-Presentation

Navigating the expectations of society regarding femininity can feel overwhelming. The pressure often manifests in comments such as, "Did you put on perfume? Don't forget those small gold earrings and a necklace!" These remarks would echo in my mind each time I prepared for an event, except perhaps for more casual outings like rock concerts. In those cases, the advice morphed into warnings: "People might mistake you for a homeless person with those tattered jeans!"

My mother had a clear, albeit rigid, vision of how women should present themselves to earn respect. She believed that to be taken seriously, a woman needed to be well-educated and impeccably dressed—semi-formal attire at the very least. Her mantra was that it's always better to be overdressed than underdressed.

Was she incorrect? Not at all. In reality, a woman who adheres to these guidelines is likely to garner more respect upon entering any space. Yet, this notion can seem absurd. I have experienced firsthand how my vibrant blue hair, coupled with an undercut, often led people to underestimate my intelligence. Too frequently, my appearance—complete with tattoos, a leather jacket, and black attire—caused others to question my competence.

When you factor in my identity as a mixed Black Latina, it further solidifies the misconceptions that I am somehow less capable.

Chapter 2: Proving My Worth

Initially, my drive to excel was motivated by a desire to prove myself to my mother, demonstrating that my looks did not define my abilities. However, this soon transformed into a broader quest for validation from the world, and eventually, it became about self-affirmation.

I relish the moments when I can surprise others with my multilingual skills, multiple degrees, and professional accomplishments. There is nothing more satisfying than outperforming colleagues and bosses, completing tasks in less than half the time expected while maintaining exceptional quality.

I take pride in my capabilities and education, feeling empowered in my unique sense of style and beauty. My mother played a significant role in shaping who I am today, presenting both challenges and opportunities for growth. Ultimately, I forged my own path.

I am immensely proud of the woman I have become and take great joy in surprising people with little revelations, such as, "Oh, my ringtone is Debussy's Claire De Lune; I adore classical music."

Key Message: Relish in the opportunity to defy expectations and showcase your incredible qualities, girlfriend!