Building Resilience Against Anger: My Journey of Growth
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Understanding My Anger Journey
I want to express my gratitude to Marty Wolner from the Healthy Anger Toolbox for motivating me to share my experiences. This narrative marks the beginning of my journey toward developing anger resilience following significant losses. Approximately four years ago, I experienced the heart-wrenching loss of nearly everyone and everything I cherished. To navigate my grief, I engaged in counseling, which became instrumental in my healing process.
With grief came an overwhelming sense of anger that I needed to confront. Each day, I posed crucial questions to myself while grappling with my emotions.
What Am I Learning?
Initially, I realized that I had to steer away from simple yes-or-no questions. Instead, I focused on more constructive and mindful inquiries. When I began asking myself what lessons I could draw from my experiences, my initial responses were often sarcastic. However, as time passed, I learned to reflect on my answers more sincerely.
How Is This Situation Helping Me Grow?
As I developed trust in my ability to respond honestly, I began to view each challenging moment as an opportunity for growth. This shift in perspective marked the beginning of my journey from feelings of helplessness to a sense of empowerment.
Will Panic Help Me, or Should I Embrace My Emotions?
By questioning my immediate reactions, I recognized that I had the power to choose my responses. I could either succumb to panic, which might offer temporary relief, or I could learn to accept and process my more difficult emotions. Anger, in particular, was a challenging emotion for me to navigate.
Is This Issue Truly About the Other Person, or Is It My Perception?
When I would confront this question, my instinct was to blame others. Yet, I eventually acknowledged that my perception might be skewed and that I might not be seeing the entire picture. It was a realization I kept to myself.
How Quickly Can I Address This Situation Instead of Ignoring It?
This question often posed a challenge for me. My initial instinct was to avoid confronting difficult situations. However, rephrasing the question to focus on "how" rather than "if" allowed me to set a timeframe. I began to assess how long it might realistically take to confront an issue, whether it was five minutes, 24 hours, or several weeks.
Is It Premature to Judge This Situation as Positive or Negative?
This inquiry became pivotal in my development of anger resilience. I found myself often leaning towards pessimism. By asking this question, I granted myself time to observe the situation and assess its true nature, which helped me become more aware of my feelings and take necessary precautions when facing negativity.
What Else Am I Experiencing?
Regardless of the circumstance, factors like lack of sleep, bad news, or hunger influenced my perception. This question heightened my awareness and mindfulness regarding my reactions.
A Year from Now, What Will I Take Away from This?
Reflecting on my future self, similar to the contemplative moments depicted in "Stranger Things," helped me calm down and evaluate the seriousness of my situation. I considered whether I would even remember this moment a year later and what I would want to recall.
The essence of these last two questions—and all the inquiries I've mentioned—was the practice of tracking my responses. I documented my questions and my answers, reviewing them a year later to see my progress.
I have much more of my journey to share, and I will do so in time. If you find yourself struggling, know that I empathize with you. Please treat yourself with kindness, compassion, and care; you deserve it.
May my story serve as a beacon of hope when darkness surrounds you.
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