Chapter 1: The Challenge of Asking

Are you open about your desires and necessities with others, or do you drop subtle hints, hoping they’ll pick up on what you truly want? More importantly, do you avoid discussing your needs due to concerns about how others might perceive you?

> “What holds us back isn’t just the act of asking; it’s the underlying fears—vulnerability, rejection, and the anxiety of appearing needy or burdensome.” ~ Amanda Palmer

It takes real bravery to be straightforward and express our needs. This quote by Amanda Palmer encapsulates the struggle many face, including myself, when it comes to asking for support or articulating our desires.

Why is it challenging for us to voice our needs? Is it because we assume that those close to us should inherently know what we want? I’ve certainly found myself thinking that if someone truly cares, they should just understand my needs without me having to say anything.

Expecting someone to intuitively grasp our desires is unrealistic. While it would be wonderful if everyone had this ability, it’s not practical. I can only imagine relationships where every wish and need is effortlessly met without uttering a word—though I’ve yet to encounter such experiences.

Regardless of how perceptive someone may be, they cannot read our thoughts, predict our actions, or gauge our reactions. If we decide what someone else is thinking, we are likely to be mistaken.

I recall an experience from my teenage years at a Renaissance Faire. There was something I wanted but didn’t ask for, convinced the answer would be negative. On our way home, my father asked if I wanted it, and when I said yes, he revealed he would have bought it if I had only asked. I assumed he would say no, and he assumed I didn’t want it. It’s a classic case of misinterpretation.

Chapter 2: The Importance of Clear Communication

Video Description: This video explores six reasons why many of us hesitate to ask for what we truly desire in life. It sheds light on the barriers we face and offers insights into overcoming them.

Though I see myself as a communicator, I rarely, if ever, directly requested what I needed in my relationships until recently. Nowadays, articulating our needs can be more difficult than ever; despite being constantly connected, our written communications often lack the emotional tone found in face-to-face conversations.

It’s essential to recognize that regardless of our communication style, we may not always convey what’s truly in our hearts. We may think we’re being clear, but we often miss the mark. If we cannot express what we need, is it fair to expect others to guess?

When we drop hints about our needs, we often find ourselves navigating a convoluted path rather than taking the most straightforward route. While we may hope our loved ones are attuned to our needs, it’s unrealistic to expect them to read our minds. Most people won’t pick up on the subtle cues we think we’re giving off.

The beauty of openly stating our wants and needs lies in the opportunity it creates for dialogue, allowing others to share their needs as well. Asking isn’t about issuing demands or ultimatums; it’s about fostering understanding. While we can’t guarantee that others will fully hear or respond to us, we owe it to ourselves to make the effort to express what we want.

If you remain silent while expecting something in return, consider what role you play in this dynamic.

Video Description: In this TEDx talk, Bryan Falchuk discusses why it’s essential to ask for what we genuinely want in our lives, encouraging viewers to overcome their fears and communicate openly.

Learning to ask for what we need is an internal journey. For me, it began with recognizing that to ask, I must first understand what I truly want. We all can improve our communication and listening skills, particularly regarding our inner thoughts. What narratives do we tell ourselves? Are we aware of our own desires?

It’s all too common to let others guess our inner workings rather than voicing our feelings, leading to disappointment when they fail to meet our expectations. Ultimately, it’s our responsibility to express our needs, not theirs.

Let’s prioritize our own needs, including self-love and awareness. Others will only treat us as well as we treat ourselves.

Through years of introspection and meditation, I’ve grown more comfortable sharing my thoughts and needs with those I care about. Whatever hinders your ability to communicate your desires, let it go. Embrace vulnerability and express yourself with love and courage.

Shine your light!

Thank you for taking the time to read this.

~Debbie